Sorry my last two posts have been lacking, this one's gonna make up for them BIG TIME.
So, I could just tell you a thing that happened to me. Or, I could put it in a how-to format.
So here that is.
I am a virtuoso of flirting- I've mastered the complex, difficult art. I know exactly what to do, and I can charm boys at the drop of a hat.
...Is what I would say if I could actually flirt without ending up with bad consequences.
Let's start a step by step guide of how to embarrass yourself in front of cute boys.
1. Go to a party. It doesn't have to be a crazy party. In my case, it was Thursday night, and it was a presentation type of dinner party for Lover Boy's ultimate team. We're currently hosting two Israeli boys for an ultimate tournament. More on that later.
2. Locate where all the kids are. This is usually in the backyard, or TV room. On Thursday, it was the backyard.
3. Locate a boy. Preferably one the same age you are.
4. Start interacting with the boy. Try not to sneeze, cough, or fart on the boy. That doesn't seem to please them.
5. Take a minute to thank whatever higher power you believe (or don't) in that you haven't sneezed or coughed or farted on the boy yet.
6. In my case, I found a trampoline. I figured it would be fun, and the boy wanted to jump with me. So step 6: locate fun place to jump on with boy.
Let's take a break for a second and go over standard trampoline procedures.
You jump on your feet.
Not butt.
Not head.
FEET.
You don't try to do any special tricks because you WILL fail and embarrass yourself.
Here's what a normal person looks like jumping on a trampoline:
Here's a combination of pictures and gifs I found detailing what I look like jumping on a trampoline.
Lets's move on after laughing for a while, shall we?
Step 7: Attempt to do flip to show off for boy. Do flip and a half, land on back, shirt goes up, hair gets everywhere, including mouth and eyes.
Boy laughs for a while, but says it's cool you can laugh at yourself. Because hey, it was funny, and you are laughing.
Step 8: Boy wants to see how high he can propel you in the air.
Time out. If you're tiny like me, you can't jump on a trampoline without going like 17 feet in the air, unless you're jumping with little kids. Because of my little stature, trampolining is 10x more fun.
Step 9: Allow boy to propel you. Boy propels you higher and higher, until you go above the net- your feet are about 7 feet up in the air, the rest of you reachers around 12 feet- and your arms go even higher.
Step 10: Start falling back down. You realize you're falling fast, and the impact's going to hurt. Before you can brace yourself, you hit.
Step 11: Pee yourself. Yup, you heard me right. Stellar Sweetheart's trick for seducing boys is peeing herself. The fact of the matter was the impact from hitting the trampoline was so hard, I peed myself.
Ladies and Gentleman, I'm 15 years old and can't hold it in.
Step 12: If you're lucky, you can cross your legs and try and hide the giant stain in your light blue denim shorts. So that's what I did. The boy left soon after that, and I'm still not sure if he noticed that I peed myself.
BUT OHMYGOD I TRIED TO FLIRT AND ENDED UP PEEING MYSELF.
So, to recap Stellar Sweetheart's guide to flirting, you should fall a lot and pee yourself when trying to seduce a man.
And you wonder why I'm still single :)
I have a formal dinner tonight, there will probably be some funny stories because I'm not used to wearing shoes, let alone heels, and a dress. I'll update y'all soon!
Lots of love to everyone reading this!
xoxo, Stellar Sweetheart
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